I find your edited copy far more striking than the original. Almost entirely because of the light and color, though. I believe I'd feel exactly the same impact if you hadn't altered the shape of her face. Except the eyebrow and sharp cheekbone. Those are both important to the final's impact.
Thanks!! I am glad you can see these alterations as an underlining of her characteristic bone structure (at least I hope I understood you right here) which I was trying to accentuate mostly by carving (or PWL)